Hey look, a haiku!

The New Breakdown (or "Why this heavy breathing?")

Newspaper tongue,
Bacon-grease sweat, vomit
Ringing in my ears.

Politics as usual

http://www.nytimes.com/2009/11/30/world/asia/30policy.html?hp

The New York times tells me that President Obama is sending more troops to Afghanistan. I can't help feeling a little betrayed, honestly. I mean, I thought I voted for the guy who was getting us out of this war. Well, this one and the other one we're still fighting in Iraq.

Now, lest I sound irrational, let me clarify my point: I'm not saying that it isn't difficult being the President. I'm not saying that national security isn't important. I'm not saying that the situation isn't complicated as all fuck. All I'm saying is give peace a chance.

News from abroad

Check out this Al Jazeera report about Native Americans living in South Dakota. It's pretty devastating, and nothing in the story would have ever crossed my mind if I hadn't seen it. So expand your awareness. I mean, it seems like the situation at least deserves to be noticed.

The web's best bandwidth investment by far...

"The things change, you plain Jane,
I'm diverse, I save the World second,
and I get high first." - Lil' Wayne

NEWSFLASH - A documentary about Lil' Wayne debuted with unanimous critical acclaim at Sundance this year, and just a few days ago, it was released on DVD.

I've heard far too many music lovers downplay Lil' Wayne's success and talent. So, I'm going to post three links. The first will take you to a torrent for Don't Look Back, the documentary that followed Bob Dylan on is 1965 tour of England. The second is for The Carter documentary, which follows Lil' Wayne during the months leading up to the release of Tha Carter 3. The third is for Lil' Wayne's latest mixtape, No Ceilings.

Play them in order and get hip to the greatest popular musician of our generation.

Don't Look Back ------->>> The Carter -------->>> No Ceilings

Yeah. Something like that.

Every once in a while, she really takes you by surprise. She moves through you at her will, and once your feet leave the ground, there is no back until she puts you back, all in one piece just like the last time. It's a ride through the fabric of who we all are. There's no outsmarting her. She unleashes subjectivity and takes you under the truth.

hmm... this doesn't sound quite right.

Palin to Hannity: Alleged Fort Hood Shooter Should Have Been Profiled

Nuff said.

Catholic Church courageously refuses to accept mountain of empirical evidence

Catholic bishops claim
moral authority
amidst 'confusion'

According to USA Today, the U.S. Catholic bishops had their semi-annual meeting in Baltimore this week. One item discussed was "a preliminary report on the 'causes and contexts' of the clergy sexual abuse scandal that resulted in some 14,000 abuse claims and cost the church $2.6 billion since 1950."

In a remarkable display of open-mindedness, the church invited some experts to the discussion:

"Researchers from New York's John Jay College of Criminal Justice told the nearly 300 members of the U.S. Conference of Catholic Bishops that homosexual orientation should not be linked to the sexual abuse, even as some church leaders have sought to make a link between gay priests and sexual abuse.

'What we are suggesting is that the idea of sexual identity be separated from the problem of sexual abuse,' said Margaret Smith of John Jay College. 'At this point, we do not find a connection between homosexual identity and the increased likelihood of subsequent abuse from the data that we have right now.'"

Thankfully, the Church had evidence that clearly showed they knew more about the situation than those experts:

"Since the abuse scandal erupted in the USA in 2002, the Vatican has barred seminarians with 'deep-seated homosexual tendencies,' and conducted an investigation of seminaries that concluded that 'difficulties' related to 'homosexual behavior' had been largely 'overcome.'"

I'm not sure what this has to do with sexual abuse, but you can't argue with results:

"Noting the decline in accusations against Catholic priests, Bishop Blase Cupich of Rapid City, S.D., said the report shows that 'the worst of this is behind us … I think it's safe to say that there is no safer place for a child today than in the Catholic Church.'"

That makes perfect sense. Just follow their argument carefully, and it all falls into place:

1. 14,000 people claim that they were sexually abused by a member of the Catholic clergy.

2. The church blames it on the gays.

3. The church goes on a witch hunt for gay priests.

4. The experts insist that there is no link between sex crimes and homosexuality.

5. The church insists that they know more than the experts.

6. A smaller number of people are coming forward with claims of abuse by the Catholic clergy.

7. "[T]here is no safer place for a child today than in the Catholic Church."

What a relief! For a second, it looked like the Catholic Church would have to change. Turns out, that's never going to happen.

See? It's trickling!

$500 Million and Apology From Goldman

Kudos to Goldman Sachs for generously donating a whopping 3% of their payroll budget to rescue struggling small businesses. The small businesses that didn't get a life raft when financial industry kingpins fucked up the global economy.

So I guess that's what passes for philanthropy these days. It's not as flashy as building a library or cancer ward, but in these desperate times, we should all be grateful. They're giving away $500 million more this year than they will next year... or the year after next... or the year after that...

Trickle Down Economics:
(P1) Capitalism turns freedom into money.
(P2) The people who work hardest in Capitalism make the most money.
(P3) The people who make most money give the most away.
(P4) Regulations on the financial industry will interfere with their ability to make money.
(P5) If the banks don't make money, the people who work hardest (P2) won't make as much money.
(P6) If the people who work hardest make less money, then they won't be able to give as much away.
(C1) Working class Americans should vote Palin/Limbaugh in 2012.

That makes perfect sense. No wonder God put it in the Bible.

This should impress you:

Woke up today with enough time to eat breakfast and shower.